‘Man Panel’ lets ladies grill guys about sex, dating and relationships

By Lauren Carter

Ladies who dream of putting men on the spot finally have a place to do just that.

“The Man Panel,” a monthly series started by Boston writer Laura Warrell, rounds up six men of various ages and relationship statuses and lets an audience full of women bombard them with questions.

Friday’s session, “The Sex: Let’s Talk About It,” promises to be X-rated. In terms of conversation, anyway.

But January’s theme was a bit tamer: online dating. Panelists included regular Joes (and Marcs and Toms) of the single and taken variety, as well as Sam Yagan, CEO of megadating Web site OKCupid.com.

Ladies of various ages feeling the pre-Valentine’s Day pressure rounded up their posses and came out to the United South End Settlements building to learn how to snag a dude in cyberspace.

For a $10 fee they got snacks, drinks, pre-panel old-school jams, a chance to win some choice giveaways and, of course, answers to their burning questions.

Apparently women aren’t the only ones in need of a little online love guidance. A healthy number of men turned out, including lifestyle dating coach Thomas Edwards, 23, of Boston. Edwards jumped in the online dating waters a few months ago for practical reasons.

“You get to meet people you wouldn’t normally meet on a regular basis, so it kind of improves your chances,” he said.

Before asking the panel some prepared questions, then opening the floor to the audience, Warrell put the crowd on notice: These panelists are not your boyfriends and they’re not representatives of the male species, so be nice.

The men talked of doing “crush research,” (also known as online stalking,) on their potential dates. One panelist, an engineer, revealed that he creates a spreadsheet giving his dates grades of As, Bs and Cs.

Then it was onto the Do’s and Don’ts of creating a profile: Don’t make your profile too short or too long. Avoid the disclaimer “I’m only trying this because my friends told me to.” Forget cliches such as “I love long walks on the beach.”

Other tips: Honesty is key, and so are recent pictures that don’t involve you being visibly intoxicated or hanging on the arm of some mystery man. Nix the pics of the sunset (without you in the picture) and don’t post the one of you in your bikini.

Remember to stay positive - you don’t want to seem like a downer with issues. Do provide hooks or nuggets of unique information that someone can easily respond to. Do provide a body shot, but not a weird angle (mirror pics, anyone?).

Yes, ladies, guys will Google you, and no, you shouldn’t lie about your age.
“If you’re going to put yourself out there in a certain way, be prepared to back it up in person,” said Jesse, 33, a single guy from Boston who works in sales and marketing.

There were no definitive answers, only opinions, humor and Heinekens. The feel was informal and friendly, but a little too short and structured to offer true insight. Many questions from the audience weren’t so much questions as long-winded recaps of a lifetime of online dating drama. With a few more hours of free-flowing conversation and beer, however, some of the mysteries of the universe may very well have been solved.

Love at first click: dating sites gain popularity

MIMI ENSLEY

Bradi Dixon never thought of him as "the person I met online" - but that's exactly where the sparks began to fly between Dixon and the man she dated for two years.

"He [became] just some guy I knew who went to Clemson [University]," said Dixon, a junior from Blackshear. "The online aspect really only lasted a few months."

Dixon's venture online began when she perused the pages of www.HotOrNot.com at the urging of some of her friends.

"Honestly, it started as a self-esteem builder," she said.

Dixon initially was surprised to find someone who interested her on the online dating site. She contacted the man who caught her eye - a graduate student at Clemson - and the two realized they had similar interests.

They started sending e-mails back and forth and chatting on AOL Instant Messenger, working their way up to telephone calls and face-to-face meetings.

"It was really easy to just chill and be yourself," Dixon said in a telephone interview last week.

But when the couple began to get more serious, it was not easy to tell people the truth about how their relationship began, she said.

Dixon, who is no longer romantically involved with the person she met online, acknowledged a definite stigma associated with Internet dating sites.

"I didn't tell anyone for a long time," Dixon said. "Honestly, I was embarrassed."

Despite the negative opinion some college students have of matchmaking Web sites, the younger age bracket makes up a significant portion of online daters - and the number is increasing, said Sam Yagan, co-founder of www.OkCupid.com, a free online dating service.

Approximately half of the visitors to OkCupid are between the ages of 18 and 24, Yagan said.

In a society so tied to technology, Yagan said he finds these trends normal.

"[College students] buy their texts online," Yagan said in a telephone interview last week. "They use Facebook to hang out with friends. They search for apartments on Craigslist. Why not use an online service for dating?"

But using online dating services requires certain precautions, said Keith Sims, executive director of Safe Campuses Now, in a phone interview last week.

"Anybody can make themselves out to be Prince Charming on the Internet," Sims said. "They don't have to be honest about who they are or what they do."

Sims urged Internet daters to be especially careful if they decide to meet their online love interests in person.

The first date should be in a public place, and the person involved should let a friend know a general timeline for the evening, Sims said.

Julie McGuire, who set up a free eHarmony account as a joke to help cheer up her roommate, said she found the experience disappointing and a little scary.

"Seeing [online dating] first hand, I really think that it's even creepier than it's stereotyped to be," McGuire said in a telephone interview last week.

For McGuire, a junior from Easly, S.C., the online dating site just served to depersonalize the process of forming relationships.

"I'm a huge believer in fate," McGuire said. "[The person you're dating] has to be someone that you see, someone that you encounter in your real life when you're actually living it - not when you're sitting in front of your computer screen."